Drunk Thoughts In A Stream Of Consciousness

I’m currently waiting for my flatmate to tell me what club we’re going to in Berlin. So why not write down all my interesting thoughts and what I’ve been doing while drinking alone waiting for her response?

First I made dinner, schnitzel sandwiches and rice.

Then I walked into my room and Tindered for a bit. Honestly, I cannot explain how much European women get me going. They’re just far and above better looking and more interesting than North American women in general, sorry not sorry to say that.

I’ve spent the last twenty minutes occasionally thinking of a clever way to translate the beer brand “Berliner Kindl”. It means “Little Berliner Kid”, but is there a better way? “Berliner Kidlet”? “Berliner Kiddie”? Yet another reason I don’t want children: it’s difficult to drink beer out of a bottle with a kid’s face staring right at you.

I read Martin Luther’s 95 Theses just now, because I just realise I’ve never read them. It’s helpful to remember that he was a Catholic, and that all he wanted was to reform Catholicism before the whole operation got way out of hand, resulting in devastating religious wars, witch hunts, and, perhaps worst of all, Calvinism.

In case you’re wondering what my pump-it-up music is, it’s metal. Currently listening to ABBA covers by Swedish death metal bands and I’m now switching to metal covers of pop/metal classics.

Fun fact: A few years ago, my sister got the Mamma Mia soundtrack for Christmas and listened to it constantly. I realised at one point that all of the songs on the CD were performed by the same band, ABBA. So I looked at my Mum and asked, “Why did ABBA cover all the songs from Mamma Mia?” Go ahead. Laugh.

I made €30 playing accordion today.

As of today, the country I am in is the leader of the free world.

I wonder if I qualify for German citizenship based on blood? Citizenship in German is “Staatsangehörigkeit”, literally “belonging-to-the-state-hood”. And no, I don’t.

Coasting through Reddit is always a good idea.

Did you know Australia has a larger surface area than the Moon? Now you do.

In most European countries, the person most often searched on Google was Donald Trump. In France, it was Céline Dion. But they always have Greece to make them look good.

I’ve been meaning to shave for three days now, and the shaving cream is sitting on my dresser two feet away. But this bed is really comfy and it makes me look more European.

Speaking of which, I’ve been asked at least once every day for directions by tourists and Germans, which I see as a result of mixing in successfully.

Hi Seiko, you just sent me a Facebook message.

I wonder why the Holocaust Memorial was designed the way it was?

That place is justifiably the most terrifying place I have ever been. It makes you feel as if you’ve sunk into the depths of humanity’s worst, and as if you’re walking in a graveyard and you yourself are responsible for the headstones that loom over you.

And then some frickin’ twelve-year-old girl on study abroad is taking a selfie like it’s no big deal, just some random stones sticking up out of the ground for no reason.

On that note, great article: http://www.euronews.com/2017/01/19/yolocaust-a-satirist-s-challenge-to-holocaust-tourist-behaviour

So the idea of the concrete blocks was to create an uneasy atmosphere in which reason has lost touch with reality, according to Wikipedia.

On a lighter note, Lake Powell in Utah has a longer coastline than the Pacific United States.

Also I just realised I’m that guy who writes a blog.

Highway to Hell is about life on tour, not about what might be obvious.

Some Swedish guy is being sued for copyright infringement for writing a children’s book that steals elements from Breakfast at Tiffany’s and 2001: Space Odyssey. How does one make a child’s version of either of those? And what could possibly be useful in either one for a children’s book? “And then the big bad computer said, ‘Oh gee I’m sorry but I can’t let you do that eh?'”

Or a girl asking her dad while he’s reading it, “Daddy, why does man have to progress to the next level of evolution with the help of the monolith somewhere on Jupiter?” “Well, sweetie, I’ll tell you when you’re older!”

As I wrote that I imagined Hal the Computer having a Minnesota accent and actually sounding sorry and concerned.

I thought that was one of the best movies I had ever seen, and I asked my dad the next day if he had seen it and he instantly says, “Just a bunch of evolutionist BS.” And that ended that.

I also just realised my pseudo-job as a street/metro musician is entirely pointless, in that people pay me for having entertained them for about ten seconds at most.

I found out today that Jägermeister was originally a whisky for old men, and that only in the past few years has it become popular in Germany for young kids to drink it. Yes, you read that correctly.

I’ve been drinking at least one beer per day here since it’s cheaper than water. Halfway decent beer costs €1/litre, whereas water costs €1,25/litre. Everything is cheap here, including women.

What? What did he say? I didn’t say anything!

And Trump is now the President. I’m  in the country that is currently the leader of the free world.

Today I had a meeting/interview with the Director of the DDR Museum about a job, and at the end he gave me his business card. So I reached for my wallet to give him mine. Not only did I almost hand him the condom that was in my wallet instead of a business card, but the business card has my American and not German phone number on it, so it’s useless since he already has my email.

I was on the bus today and when I’m on public transportation, if there aren’t any seats, I lean on something. Plus I was carrying my fifty-pound accordion so I needed to lean anyway. So I’m leaning next to the exit of the bus. We come to a stop, and we stay at the stop an awfully long time. About a minute in, I begin looking round to see what is the matter. Nothing seems to be amiss. Someone says across the bus “You’re leaning on the door button”, and I looked round me thinking, “Gee, what idiot is leaning on the button that keeps the doors wide open?” Eventually, more people look at me, so I turn round and realise my butt is pressing the button. I’ve held us up for what seems like forever, so I freak out and jump away. But I lost my balance and hit the button again. So I say in my very suave manner, “Oh my gosh so sorry Entschuldigung ich hab’ es nicht geseh’n like omg I’m sehr sorry OMG” and got off at the next stop since I was so embarrassed, happy to walk the eighteen minutes it takes instead of spending five minutes more with all of them judging me.

OK I’m done doing this, time to get pumped for the club with naked people strapped to the walls, because Berlin.

 

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